“Death can be a beautiful thing, if you let it…Death is the one thing that connects us all.
It reminds us that what’s important is
who we’ve touched and how much we’ve given.It makes us realise that we have to be good to one another.”
(Peter to Simone, Heroes)
As many of you may have heard by now, my dad’s gone. He passed away a day after I wrote my last post, sharing his stroke and announcing an extended break and a trip to Manila. He died on the 13th of May, 9.20am, while I was still travelling from Australia - hoping to get the chance to hold him, to talk to him. To say goodbye.
But, I never got that chance.
When my youngest brother and sister picked me up from the airport that Tuesday night, they hesitated to break the news that we weren’t going to the hospital. We were, in fact, on the way to the funeral parlour. Nothing could’ve prepared me for any of it - the coffin, his name listed as the deceased, and his lifeless body…
Daddy was buried on the 16th of May, on a rainy Friday afternoon. That day also brought so many other emotions. Most of which, I’m unable to write about in public right now. I still need to work through them.
Anyway, it has been a week today since the burial. And, I’ve been slowly trying to get back to ‘normal life’. Whatever that means now. Having to get past the loss and the grief… to live.
You know, one horrible thing about life changing events like this is that the rest of the world seems to stay the same. It reminds you that it moves on… with or without you.
Anyway, while I’m back at work and started Tweeting again, I haven’t really blogged for a while. Until now. I’m hoping I will slowly get back in to the rhythm of it all.
There are so many people that I wish to thank right now. My heart is overwhelmed as I read all your comments, emails, Tweets, and Facebook/Flickr/Skype messages. Some friends even went out of their way to do all sorts of wonderful things - from offering support at the wake to supporting my husband and kids who were left in Adelaide… from arranging a charitable donation in my father’s name to rallying other folks to offer condolences and prayers.
While words may not seem enough during difficult times like these, I can tell you that I really, really appreciate all the words, thoughts and prayers that you’ve shared. They’ve given me a lot of comfort.
And now, I feel that words are not enough to say how grateful I am for you. But, these words are all I have right now. And, I hope that I’m able to express just how thankful I am for all of you.
P.S. - I wanted to share something I wrote about my dad’s passing. I read part of it during the service. But, I feel that now is not the right time.
Flowers at the Wake Photo by: Sasha Manuel, taken w/my D40x
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{ 12 comments… read them below or add one }
kathy 05.23.08 at 10:13 pm
My sincere condolences to you.
I lost my Dad on May 10, 2004. My life has never been the same since. Last I saw him alive was during my sister’s wedding. Next time I saw him, he was lying peacefully inside the coffin. My trip back home to the Philippines to attend his funeral was the saddest day of my life. Your experience reminds me of that lowest point in my life.
Grieve if you must. But believe me when I say to you that time does heal all wounds. The scars will remain, but we move on. Just give it time.
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Shai Coggins reply on May 27th, 2008:
Kathy: Sorry to hear about your story. As you can imagine, I fully empathise with you. I do understand that it does take time. And, there’s no telling when our grief will be ready to really move on. Thank you for sharing your story.
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bea santiago 05.23.08 at 10:21 pm
(((HUG)))
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Shai Coggins reply on May 27th, 2008:
Thanks, Bea.
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Peggie 05.23.08 at 10:28 pm
There are no good words to express my healing hopes for you and your family. I’m sending peace and love and time. Your father was a lucky man to have you as a daughter who can so thoughtfully note his passing.
Hugs,
Peggie
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Shai Coggins reply on May 27th, 2008:
Peggie: Thank you so much. I hope that one day, I will also have a better way to record and to celebrate his life.
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toni 05.24.08 at 5:16 am
My condolences Shai. Sending you peace and love.
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Shai Coggins reply on May 27th, 2008:
Thanks, Toni. I appreciate it.
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JO 05.24.08 at 7:20 am
Hi Shai,
I’m so sorry for your loss.
* hugs * to you!
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Shai Coggins reply on May 27th, 2008:
Jo, thank you. Always good to hear from you.
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Kari 05.24.08 at 8:37 am
Oh Shai I only wish there were something I could do to ease your pain. I can’t imagine what you must be going through, but I know with the support of your family and friends you will get through it.
Please know that you continue to be in my thoughts and prayers and if there is anything I can do to help you through this I am just a click away. Hang in there, and god bless you!
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Shai Coggins reply on May 27th, 2008:
Kari, knowing I’ve got friends like you online already help so much. Thank you.
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jen 05.24.08 at 10:21 am
It seems quite cruel when the world doesn’t stop because someone we loved dies, but it doesn’t. You just need to do what you have to do to get through your grief. Am thinking of you…..
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Shai Coggins reply on May 27th, 2008:
Jen: Indeed. Thanks, friend. I miss catching up with you and your pics. I’m sure I’ll get back to it once things settle down. Miss ‘ya.
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Jasmin 05.24.08 at 8:01 pm
Shai,
I’m so sorry.
{{hugs}}
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Shai Coggins reply on May 27th, 2008:
Thanks, Jasmin. I appreciate it.
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Heather 05.24.08 at 10:41 pm
Hi Shai,
No worries. I completely understand. I think I will never really ‘get over’ the loss of my dad, but life must and does go on, as you’ve said. It’s weird to get your head around, at first, but you do eventually, over time, come to live with your loss. I think the saying time heals all wounds has never really been true. I think time simply makes you put grief into perspective, and then we learn from that. We learn compassion and understanding, and so on. Just take it slow and give yourself room for your grief. Lots of love to you.
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Shai Coggins reply on May 28th, 2008:
Thank you, Heather. What you say absolutely make sense. It’s terrible this “club” we have. You never know what it’s like until you’re in it.
Anyway, thanks again for your support.
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Luis Daniel 05.25.08 at 1:55 pm
Shai, I’m deeply saddened for the news of your loss. I know what it is to lose a parent (my mother died of cancer less than eight years ago), and yes, my life has never been the same since then. I guess the best all of us can do is to remember them, and to move on with our lives. Anyway, my thoughts and prayers are with you and your family at this very difficult time. Take very good care.
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Shai Coggins reply on May 28th, 2008:
Luis Daniel: So sorry to hear about your loss. Yes, it’s definitely a life changing situation. I guess, at this stage, I’m just learning to get that balance of moving on and remembering. Thank you.
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My Inner French Girl 05.28.08 at 3:34 am
Dear Shai,
I’m glad to see you back online. I’ve mentioned it elsewhere, but again, please know that I’m thinking of you, mon amie, and wishing you and your family well.
I lost my dad when I was 12, but I didn’t really know him very well even then as he and my mom had separated when I was 3. Still, I never really forgot him and have never ceased to think about him almost everyday, wishing he were still alive and with us. I can’t even begin to imagine what it must be like to lose someone who was a huge part of your life. All I do know is that one never really gets over a loss such as this, that all we can do is honor their memory and not forget them while still moving on with our own lives.
Take good care of yourself. You have a big community here who cares about you and enjoys the work you do. Lots of love from all of us.
Salut,
Marjorie
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Shai Coggins reply on June 5th, 2008:
Marjorie: Thank you so much for your message - and for sharing your own story of loss. Knowing I’ve got friends like you online is such a blessing. I hope you are well too! Merci!
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Dianne Hadaway 06.02.08 at 4:11 am
Hello Shai,
Not sure you’ll remember me, a former colleague and Guide from About.com (Single Parents) and I’m not sure what prompted me to look you up today at b5media, I just found myself here and when I read your news I knew I needed to write and tell you how much I feel for you in the loss of your father. I know this pain all too well, and I truly ache for anyone else who has to experience it. I lost my mother when I was 14, and only got to know my father once I was an adult. But we did become close, and he was very supportive of me in all that I do. He passed on too, in Jan. 2002. He visits me in my dreams fairly often. I know that sounds strange to claim as a truth, but he really does. He talks to me and warns me and I really believe it is his spirit and not my imagination. I think because we had grown very close. It has given me a great deal of peace to know that his spirit is still very much a force of energy in the vast universe and that I do get to hear from him from time to time. I hope that your father will bring the same kind of peace to you in your grief. Remember him and reach out to him in joyful memories when you are able, as love, not anquish, is the bridge between our worlds.
For now, I know that you have many lovely known friends who are holding your heart near, but also many more of whom you are unaware who are with you as you go down this new path.
Take care Shai, I know you are a gentle, caring lady and I just wanted you to know you are in my thoughts
Be blessed,
Dianne
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Shai Coggins reply on June 5th, 2008:
Hello, Dianne. It’s so good to hear from you. Yes, I do remember. And I’m grateful for the time you’ve taken to visit me here and to share in my grief/loss. I appreciate your kind, comforting words. Thank you! And please keep in touch.
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