In this post about trust, I was writing mostly from the point of view of someone who is doing the trusting. Today, I thought about the other side of trust — the side where you become someone’s trusted individual.
As someone who works in the field of counselling/psychology, I realise that I get to be on that side a lot. Sure, not everyone who seeks a counselling/therapeutic relationship give complete trust. But, there is always that element there. And, even though it is part and parcel of the job, I always consider it a privelege when people open themselves up to me.
Outside the job spectrum, I continue to be humbled at the privelege of being trusted with personal details of individual’s lives - be it in person or online.
In fact, I am amazed at just how much I’ve learned about the visitors and readers of this blog just through this simple experiment. So, even though I haven’t had the chance to talk more about everyone who left messages just yet, please know that I have been reading your posts and introductions. And, I will get to them one by one.
And, to you who bare your innermost thoughts, feelings and experiences with me — thank you. I do appreciate being welcomed in to your life. I am grateful for your trust .
{ 4 comments… read them below or add one }
Elisabetta Bruno 02.28.06 at 4:35 am
Talking about two sides of the same coin here… This comment fits both in this article and the other one you mentioned.
Maybe it’s just me, but I find some people are quicker at remembering times when they were betrayed after having trusted, than when someone hasn’t trusted them.
However I can already see that as soon as one gives it a little more thought, he/she can see how it hurts when someone you’d like to be trusted by, doesn’t trust you.
In the long run, you start not to trust yourself and then you can’t trust others either. I am looking at this the other way around. Some people might think that when someone doesn’t trust, it is because they have been betrayed. Well, that’s true, but people not trusting you can bring about a lack of trust in yourself and others as well, IMHO. Like I heard once: “It is easier to trust yourself after someone has done that already.”
People are basically good. They might have a “dark side” within them, but it isn’t their basic being. When they loose control of that side then you see a lot of rough stuff going on. However, going back to the basically good statement, it doesn’t take a genious to see how well someone feels when he/she has helped somebody.
I also think that the person who never trusts is in need of trusting someone really bad. If they don’t trust, it means that they have something they should trust people about and aren’t finding the right person to do that. Have you seen any of these never-trust-anyone people opening up to somebody? It’s like a river that has been blocked by a dam. Once that shatters, OMG…
There is another way to break that dam, when an individual doesn’t have someone to trust. That is to shout to everyone the very thing he/she wouldn’t trust to say to just anyone. I guess the reason for that would be: “I couldn’t find someone around me, I couldn’t get to know people enough, so the only way I have to break free is to shout loud, until someone, finally, hears me.”
People who have trusted and still trust you, Shai, found you before they got to that point. Some of them are far from getting there, while I am sure you met other people who were on the edge. It is a nice feeling to know that people can trust you, isn’t it? I am sure that any of those poeple who have given you trust would probably want to thank YOU for being there.
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Elisabetta Bruno 02.28.06 at 5:12 am
I guess, this will be a double-whamming comment. I think you successfully managed to get me addicted to your blog. It occurred to me that I wrote a poem about trust ages ago. So I’d like to share it here. Hey, I can’t rime for the life of me, so don’t laugh, OK?
Trust (When Faith Won’t Betray)
There is nothing I’ve ever thought for,
Nothing else I persisted for,
Nothing else I cried for,
Nothing else I smiled for
Than the trust of a fellow being.
It’s when distance does not matter
The words aren’t needed.
Swearing is useless
Because you know it just will be.
It’s when you know without asking,
When your eyes are blind but you can still see,
You think and you are already understood.
It’s when someone else is there
When tears surprise you
Or happines pervades you.
It’s when you want someone else’s smile.
It’s when you fight to protect and assist
And not to destroy.
It’s feeling happy for someone else’s happiness.
When you know faith won’t betray you
You know you have a friend
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Shai Coggins 03.03.06 at 1:59 am
Elisabetta: First of all, I’d like to say that hopefully being addicted to reading and commenting blog is a good thing.
Next, I say: WOW! Very interesting and insightful stuff you just shared there. And, thanks again for your kind words.
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Elisabetta Bruno 03.03.06 at 2:06 am
>>Elisabetta: First of all, I’d like to say that hopefully being addicted to reading and commenting blog is a good thing. wink< <
Let me figure that one out... :-p
>>Next, I say: WOW! Very interesting and insightful stuff you just shared there.<<
Well, trust is one of the things that gets me going (as you might have noticed). And I strive to do all I can to understand other beings and help them out. Not sure I always manage, but I try.
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