The last couple of weeks that led up to this week have been quite rough for me on a personal level. So, please excuse me if this post turns out to be a bit of bumbling mess.
Today, you see, is my dad’s birthday.
Same time last year, I did not get to greet my dad a Happy Birthday, as I was unable to get a hold of him on the phone that day. So, I thought I’d just call him in the next couple of days or so instead. But, I never got that chance, as just a few days after his birthday, he suffered a stroke. He passed away shortly after.
I am still grieving for those missed moments. And, I still can’t believe that I will never get that chance to greet him a Happy Birthday again. Not on this earth anyway.
In any case, today marks the beginning of my week-long memorial for my dad’s first death anniversary.
As far as I recall, families and friends normally get together for such a situation. To mourn the loss. To celebrate the life that a departed loved one has had. To remember.
But, I am here in Australia, while my sister is in Manila and my two brothers are in the US. And, our mom’s visiting one of my brothers. So, we can’t exactly have a “typical” family memorial. I can’t even visit and put flowers or anything like that on his grave.
That’s why I am just winging the whole memorial bit.
Preparing special meals for my family here in Australia is something that I hope to do, as I know that my dad loved food and home cooked meals. I already started today, and explained to the kids that it was to celebrate Lolo’s birthday. To let them know that we always remember the people that we love, even though they’re gone. My son ended up waving towards the sky at dinner time, to say hello to his Lolo, who used to enjoy playing bowling and other games with him. My son is probably the only grandchild who will have some memories of my dad.
Anyway, I have also taken note of the monumental Pacquiao vs Hatton boxing match, as my dad would’ve been over the moon with the whole thing. He was definitely a boxing fan.
And, I also took some time to look at some of the photos from my family’s last visit to Manila in Nov/Dec 2007. That was the last time that I’ve had the chance to be with my dad. The photo that you see here was taken from that trip*. Quite bittersweet to look at, I must admit.
But yeah, this is a lot harder than I thought. People tell me it’s going to get easier with time. I’d like to believe it.
* Yes, that’s my dad, with my husband and two kids.
{ 10 comments… read them below or add one }
Kari 05.06.09 at 12:52 am
Shai,
Something we seem to have in common is possibly that we both beat ourselves up for missed opportunities. While I know it is much easier said than done, I try to not be so hard on myself – especially in situations like this.
When my Grandma died, someone who was like a second mother to me, I struggled a great deal right along side my own mother. I won’t lie, I don’t know that it ever does get easier, but I feel expressing these feelings maybe does.
What you are doing to honor your father is wonderful. It is through talking to my Grandma and seeing her in the rare flower among all the others in the field, or that rainbow after a big storm that I’ve made it through the last eight years.
Remember that just because you can’t see him, your father is right beside you. With that in mind, I do encourage you to talk to him. Wish him a Happy Birthday, tell him you love him, tell him what a beautiful day it is! This has helped me a lot, and my hope is that it can’t do something similar for you.
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Maddy 05.06.09 at 1:16 am
What a wonderful tribute. My father’s birthday was last Friday (May 1st). This year (in June) is the 10th anniversary of Dad’s death and I still miss him every day. He was such a special part of my life, and his memory continues to be a big influence on me. I’m so lucky and happy to have met him and had the time together that we did.
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Jeanne 05.06.09 at 1:19 am
Shai,
I’m so sorry for your loss but I’m so happy that you’ve taken this week to remember and honor your father. I absolutely love that picture and I got tears in my eyes reading about your son waving at the sky during dinner.
You are so strong and I hope that your family and wonderful memories will bring you comfort during this time.
Hugs!
Jeanne
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Barbara Ling, Virtual Coach 05.06.09 at 4:01 am
Much empathy for your loss. You’re so lucky to have wonderful memories of your father that will last your lifetime – he’s now a guardian angel looking out for you.
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Sasha 05.06.09 at 9:10 am
Easy but not exactly the way we’d expect it. I guess in time we can think of him without the raw pain, just enjoy the happy (and sometimes hilarious) memories. Remember his laugh, his beautiful smile.
Planning to make a date with him later this week. For all of us.
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Connie 05.06.09 at 1:41 pm
Oof. This got me teary eyed. I’m missing my Papa too. Especially when I touch the piano keys.
How sweet of you to remember him in special ways.
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jen 05.06.09 at 5:53 pm
Shai, a lovely tribute and remembering the good times is the only way to get through I’m guessing. Hopefully it does get easier with time.
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Christine 05.08.09 at 10:00 am
’tis a lovely tribute, Shai. I can’t say I know what you are going through but know that we are thinking of you in this difficult time. As my brother always tells me when difficult situations arise ‘This too shall pass’. I am sure the heartache, the pain will never go away but in time, hopefully it won’t hurt as much thinking about your Dad.
{{hugs}}
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Cheyenne Renard 05.25.09 at 5:28 am
Dearest Shai, Im so sorry about you loving father I know he knows you loved him very much and it is hard to have not talked to him before he went on to be with our Heavenly father but God know s all things and there is a reason for every thing I know you father would not have wanted you to be sad maybe thats why you were not able to get a call into him on his last BD dont dispair he know everything now so just remember him as you would no one ever wants to be forgotten and he will still feel loved and he knows what you are feeling the pain never really goes away but lessens as the years go on but always remember him for you childrens sake . I wish you much love and many blessings I pray your heart will not hurt as much, take the time to morn but know life goes on and so does your father and so will we some day Love to you , Cheyenne Henderson Nv My best friend is from the Philipines and my fam is Auzzie from Brisbane .
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Shai Coggins 06.04.09 at 11:01 pm
Hey, all. I’ve been at a loss for words regarding your wonderful messages on this. ‘been thinking of the best way to respond over the last month. But, I still can’t find the right words to let you all know how much I appreciate your support and kindness to me. So, I thought I’ll just write this down as simply and as best as I can.
Again, thank you all so much. You are such a blessing to me. Take care.
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