When I first started blogging over 10 years ago, it was primarily due to the overwhelming feeling that I had about wishing to write and to share my story. Or rather, my stories. I guess, that’s why I believe that bloggers are also somewhat memoir writers.
So, for this blog’s anniversary, I thought I’d feature memoir author and teacher, Sue Silverman, for our Inspiration Café series. This is part of the wonderful WOW Blog Tours -
In true social web media fashion, can you please give us a brief bio/description in 140 characters or less?
Tweet to my peeps: I’m an incest survivor. Grew up silent. Never told a soul. Through writing, found my true voice.
Congratulations on your book on memoir writing, “Fearless Confessions: A Writer’s Guide to Memoir”. What inspired you to write this book – and who is it for?
Thank you!
I teach at the low-residency MFA in Writing program at Vermont College of Fine Arts and, in many ways, my students inspired me to write it! It’s amazing to watch students grow—for their craft to become more professional—for them to feel more confident. So I thought I’d love to try to encourage even more writers, or would-be writers, to each find their voice.
This book, then, is for anyone who has a story to tell!
How did you get in to memoir writing?
Actually, I began as a fiction writer. Scared to reveal my true story, I kept trying to tell it in a fictional voice. All my unpublished novels are, on some level, about incest or sexual addiction.
But the novels didn’t work. For me, to fictionalize my story (trying to tell the truth—but not), made the voice sound emotionally inauthentic. After about ten or so years of this, I finally, at the urging of my therapist, switched to memoir, or creative nonfiction.
What do your friends/family say when they read your memoirs/writing? Do you encounter any difficulties?
I’ve been lucky. My older sister, on the whole, has been rather supportive—though she hasn’t read either of my memoirs. But she does tell her friends about them! And my parents had both died before I wrote my first book—the one about growing up in an incestuous family.
In terms of my extended family, I initially never even told them about that book. Over time, of course, they found out about it. And, amazingly, I began receiving phone calls and e-mails of support, saying they felt badly that they hadn’t known about the incest. So you sometimes find support even when it’s least expected!
What are the biggest challenges for memoir writers? And, what do you think are the best ways to overcome them?
The fear of telling family secrets! As I mentioned, I was lucky in that my family and friends mainly supported me. But this fear of hurting feelings, or revealing family secrets, is one that prevents many from writing.
If this is true for you, then you might try pretending that you’re writing just for yourself. Ignore, as much as possible, the fact that others might one day read your story.
Focus on the words, themselves, during the creation process. Worry about the outside world later.
In order to be creative and fully engage in the process, writers must give themselves permission to set aside the fear about what the outside world might think. Remember, we own our own stories! Our stories belong to us. As writers, they are ours to write.
How will you encourage/inspire people who wish to write memoirs?
In Fearless Confessions, I encourage writers to believe in their stories, to know that, whatever their background, they do have a story to tell.
I emphasize the redemptive power of memoir, that the best way to understand the past—to come to terms with it—is through writing. Through memoir, we heal both ourselves as well as others.
We discover our own life force. There is only one of you. Your voice is unique. If you don’t express yourself, if you don’t fully explore who you are, that essence of you will be lost.
Do you have any favourite memoir writers/memoirs by other people? Can you please name some examples?
I always find it extremely difficult to suggest just a few memoirs—especially given the wide range of the genre. Therefore, I’d like to invite you to review my creative nonfiction reading list, divided into categories by subject matter. It can be found in the appendix of Fearless Confessions, or, you can also find this reading list on my website, at www.suewilliamsilverman.com.
Apart from writing, can you tell us a little bit more about yourself? Hobbies? Family? Education? Others?
Oh, I’m such a workaholic that I don’t really have hobbies. Nor do I have kids. I live in Michigan with my partner, the poet Marc Sheehan. And we have two cats, Bijou and Siobahn. But I also love teaching! I love hanging out with other writers.
Anything else that you’d like to share with us?
Your story, your voice, is important. I look forward to reading your memoir one day.
SUE SILVERMAN’S BIO:
Sue William Silverman’s new book is Fearless Confessions: A Writer’s Guide to Memoir. She is a faculty advisor at the Vermont College of Fine Arts and associate editor of the journal Fourth Genre: Explorations in Nonfiction. Her first book, Because I Remember Terror, Father, I Remember You, received the AWP Award in Creative Nonfiction. She is also the author of Love Sick: One Woman’s Journey through Sexual Addiction (made into a Lifetime TV movie) and Hieroglyphics in Neon, a poetry collection. She has appeared on such TV shows as The View and Anderson Cooper-360. To watch a video book trailer, please visit http://tinyurl.com/csekan , or go to http://www.suewilliamsilverman.com/ for more information.
{ 10 comments… read them below or add one }
Jodi 08.24.09 at 9:02 pm
Shai, congratulations on your blogging anniversary! I had no idea. Sue, do you have any plans to go back to fiction writing or is it just not for you?
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Shai Coggins reply on September 2nd, 2009:
Thanks, Jodi. It was definitely a nice coincidence to have Sue as a guest during my “blogiversary”.
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Sue William Silverman 08.24.09 at 9:13 pm
Hi, Jodi, Right now, I’m working on an essay collection, and, as I think about finishing it, I also thinking about maybe returning to fiction. So I’ll probably try it. But I’m still not sure I’ll be able to pull it off! It may be that I’m just meant to write nonfiction and poetry. Which is fine, of course. It’s just so ironic that I spent many years trying to write fiction!
Yes, Shai, congratulations on your blogging anniversary! Sue
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Kari 08.24.09 at 11:22 pm
I can relate a lot this. I started writing a memoir (and restarted a couple times), and I think a fear of telling family ‘secrets’ is what usually stops me dead in my tracks. What doesn’t seem like a big deal to me could be considered just the opposite by a family member or friend, and because I am huge on privacy I always want to try and show the same respect for loved ones. It’s hard to know how to tell my story without invading others’ privacy.
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Shai Coggins reply on September 2nd, 2009:
Hey, Kari. Yeah, I understand what you mean. It’s a bit tough. And, it’s something I continue to face, even here on my blog. I hope you find a way that works for you – and the ones you love.
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Sue William Silverman 08.24.09 at 11:53 pm
Kari–oh, yes, I hear what you’re saying. This issue, as mentioned in the interview, is something that many memoirists struggle with. I think it really comes down to knowing that you’re NOT writing from a place of revenge–just the opposite. In my case, I wrote both memoirs from a place of wanting to understand the experience. What did these events in my life mean? And it IS accepting, too, the knowledge that, as writers, we OWN our stories, so they are ours to write. Additionally, as one would do in memoir anyway, the main focus is always on “me,” the narrator. So, in terms of other people, it comes down to how these other people affected me.
But this is complex. There’s no denying that. And I spend an entire chapter in “Fearless Confessions” about these more emotional concerns memoirists face. It is a struggle. But I hope, at some point, you feel more comfortable about writing your story!
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Patricia - Spiritual Journey Of A Lightworker 08.25.09 at 1:51 am
I use my blog Spiritual Journey Of A Lightworker as a memoir of sorts. Maybe one of these days I will put it all in book form. My blog is about my spiritual journey through a life that started out as an incest victim. It isn’t about being a victim. My blog is about going through recovery and from survivor to thriver. It is a spiritual journey to discover who I am at any given point in my life. Thanks for doing this interview.
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Shai Coggins reply on September 2nd, 2009:
Thanks, Patricia. I appreciate your comment and your thoughts here. I wish you all the best!
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Sue William Silverman 08.25.09 at 9:21 am
Dear Patricia,
I look forward to reading your blog. It sounds very powerful, so thank you for letting me know about it. Your journey, itself, sounds important–both for you as well as all those who you’ve touched. Thank you for posting on this blog. Sue
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Kay 08.25.09 at 11:29 am
OK Shai- this is an interesting interview with this unusual woman, Sue Silverman! I can identify with using a blog as a memoire, as I have a lot of crap from my past that influences my present. However, I tend to blog about how I feel in the present, rather than getting into the details of what might have “caused” it. I too have a looming father figure from the past, but nothing like Sue’s sexual abuse- just unthinking neglect and cruelty- emotional abuse is probably what you’d say I got from my mum. At the moment I am seeing a psychologist who says that I should “get rid” of the past, rather than make a memoire of it, so that’s a bit different from Sue’s method! I’ve also seen countless instances of people starving themselves into anorexia from whatever emotional difficulties they’ve suffered during childhood- it seems to be a way of symbolically”dying” as a psychological and physical being- fading into nothingness and worthlessness; without physically disappearing and dying. The sexual addiction thing I can sort of understand, but I’ve never spoken to anyone who could explain how it really feels- it seems a remote solution to me, so I should probably read Sue’s book for some insight. You’ve made me think, both of you!
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Shai Coggins reply on September 2nd, 2009:
Hi, Kay. I’m glad you enjoyed the interview. And, thanks for sharing your thoughts on this matter. It is interesting to hear what you’ve been advised about how to handle the past. In my case, I believe that there can be a happy medium between “moving on” without holding on too much to the past and remembering the past in order to heal and to find a new direction. I hope you find what is best for you too.
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Sue William Silverman 08.25.09 at 11:52 am
HI, Kay, just to clarify: I’m blogging about these issues just as a guest. Mainly, I write books–memoirs–about the past. And, additionally, my new book “Fearless Confessions: A Writer’s Guide to Memoir” is to help others learn how to write their memoirs.
I’m sad to learn that you, too, were hurt as a child.
That’s interesting that your psychologist suggests that you “get rid of the past” instead of writing about it. I guess, for me, one way to do just that–get rid of it–IS to write about it. Writing is a way to make sense of the past, understand it. In my experience, by doing so, the past tends to lose much of its power, much of the hold it has over us.
For me, the only ways I found to resolve the past were both through therapy and writing. Otherwise, I feel sure I would still be stuck in the past and in many unhealthy behaviors.
I agree with you that anorexia (which I also suffered from) is a way of dying–both physically and emotionally. To me, all addictions are a kind of slow suicide. Even sexual addiction, on some level, is, but it’s more of an emotional and spiritual suicide. Very destructive.
Thank you so much for responding to this post. I appreciate hearing your views and some of your own story.
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Shai Coggins 09.02.09 at 7:19 pm
And to SUE – Thank you so much again for this interview. And, for responding to everyone’s comments. You’ve been a wonderful guest.
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Sue William Silverman 09.02.09 at 8:27 pm
Thank you, Shai–and thanks to your readers, too, for their interesting comments and for asking such important questions. I appreciate the opportunity to participate in your blog. Sue
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