Shai Coggins

Can you believe that it’s the first of May already? Just like that. I’m not sure about you, but I feel as though everything’s just rush, rush, rush. And right now, I feel as though I sure could use a holiday. Unfortunately, I don’t really have the time or budget to go on one.

That’s why I thought: “Hey, maybe I should start having mini-holiday breaks.” You know… The type where I don’t need to go away on day trips - or spend gobs of money. The kind of holidays that I can take in my own house, my own backyard. And, I will still feel invigorated, refreshed…

So now, I decided to list some ideas here. I’m hoping to do some (if not all) of them at some stage, whenever I feel I need a break. Please feel free to suggest more in the comments section, if you can think of anything else.

1. Get a massage. Anything from 30 minutes to 1.5 hours - depending on the time and money you can spare. A good massage is always a wonderful thing. Either a home visit one - or a trip to the salon/spa will be fine.

2. Find (or Make) a Reading Spot in the Garden. You can decorate it, as if you were in the Caribbean or someplace exotic. Tell yourself you’re going to sit in that spot at least once a week, for half an hour or so. Set a date/time/schedule, if you have to.

3. Take a walk or drive to the park (or beach) with a picnic basket. If you feel self-conscious about having a solo picnic, consider bringing a book, an MP3 player, a camera, a sketchbook… Anything that you can use to distract yourself with.

4. Go to the local museum. Get guidebooks, bring a notepad, etc. You can always pretend you’re one of the tourists when you go there.

5. Get a manicure/pedicure. Clean, pretty nails can help cheer you up. And make you feel all nice and beautiful.

6. Get a facial. Just like getting a manicure/pedicure. Except it hurts sometimes. But, nothing beats the fresh-faced feeling after the session’s done.

7. Get a drink - or mix yourself one. And, drink it in the bath. Yep - you can also put music, candles, and scents if you want to go the whole lot.

8. Call someone who makes you feel special. Allow yourself to be praised and patted on the back. Celebrate the good stuff.

9. Invent a holiday and celebrate it. It doesn’t matter what it is - do an International Paper Clips Day, if paper clips make you happy. Or, hold a National Tacos Day, if that’s something you love. Just go with whatever you feel will cheer you up best.

10. Book yourself a tourist trip in your local town. Get on a hop on/hop off bus. Visit a chocolate factory. Shop for souvenirs that you can mail to people.

11. Put on fresh sheets on the bed. And, take a nap in the freshly made bed.

12. Pick flowers from your garden - or buy some cheap ones from the local shops. Put the flowers in a vase where you can often see them.

13. Get a makeover. Sometimes, having a new hairstyle, some highlights, or getting some new clothes/make-up can make you feel like you’ve been a given a breath of fresh air.

14. Look for shopping bargains. It always feels great to feel like you’ve got a great bargain. Especially for something you really, really want to get. Thrift shops, auctions, flea markets… they’re really fun too.

Any other mini holiday tips and ideas you can share?

I know I’ve promised a time management series here of some kind, so I thought I’d deliver that bit by bit. As a few of you may have gathered before, some of the most common questions I get often relate to time management. In fact, Marjorie of My Inner French Girl (gotta love that title! ;-)) recently left this comment for me:

“You know, I would LOVE it if you were to post about how you manage your hectic, hectic schedule. I know you juggle motherhood, marriage, a job, your art, your writing, your blog, and God knows what else, so I would love to know how you manage it all. Time management is a constant issue with me — I’m a freelance writer, journalist, wife, part-time library assistant, novelist, and playwright — and one that I don’t have all the answers to. Can you share some of your secrets? Or do you secretly mainline cocaine to handle it all?”

So now, I write this entry, with a confession. And nope, that confession doesn’t involve cocaine (or any similar drug ;-)). It’s a confession saying that I’m actually running way behind on my daily to do list… as in, right now. Yes, I’m first to admit that I’m no Super Woman when it comes to getting things done. Sometimes, I feel I manage to accomplish things just through sheer stubbornness.

Okay, now having said that, I believe that over the years I’ve learned to adapt my working habits to reflect my current needs. Some days need to be highly structured and planned. Some days, I just wing it. But, one thing that has always worked for me is: Setting Goals.

For as long as I can remember, I’ve been creating goals for myself on a yearly, monthly, weekly, and daily basis. Not to mention, creating “life goals”. They can be grand goals (like, Go to Europe) - or mini goals (e.g., Plan & Cook Dinner tonight).

So, basically, things get done because I tell myself that I simply need to do them. End of story. Well, not quite, but you know…

Well now, goal-setting is a topic that I talk about a lot when I work with people. In fact, I’ve talked about this topic enough that I even have a workshop/ebook in the making once upon a time about goals and goal-setting. So yeah, I probably can go on about this for a long time. But, don’t worry, I won’t.

In any case, when I consulted as a psychologist (nope, not practicing as one right now), I often ask about what people’s goals are all about. I like to encourage folks to create three-fold goals: Long-term, medium-term, and short-term.

Now, a book chapter can probably be written for each of those topics. So, I’ll just stick to writing about something that occupies me the most lately - creating and achieving short-term goals.

Like I wrote here recently, I’m in major catching up mode right now. I’m soooo behind with so many things that I get exhausted just thinking about what I need to do.

That’s why I decided that my iGTD just isn’t cutting it right now. I needed something more primitive (but not easily lost on my pile of To Do stuff), more tactile than a computer app. Enter my small tabletop magnetic erasable board from Board Dudes (bought from Officeworks). I’m also using a set of ‘Day’ magnets to go with it (Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, etc).

I decided to write down all my main goals/tasks for the week on the board. Set deadlines on some of them (either by writing the days/dates - or sticking a ‘Day’ magnet next to the goal). And now, I feel so much better - just looking at it… and marking things off as I go along.

Before this board came along, I just wrote stuff down on paper - and stuck it somewhere. Or, I just left my to do list on a GTD software. I still use those methods… But, I like this board idea right now because:

• I can easily see my goals - and add/change/check them accordingly. I love that it’s just there - in front of me. I can always glance at it whenever I’m procrastinating or getting sidetracked.
• It’s more readable than computer or paper lists.
• I love that it’s physical - I actually had to sit down at the beginning of my week, put the board on my lap, wrote, erased, checked, etc. Put the board back on the table. Then, every time I complete something or need to add something, I just grab and write again. And again.
• Other than writing, I can stick stuff on it with the magnets - or Post It notes.

And, one great bit about goal-setting? It’s that nice thing called Break/Reward!

It’s always a good idea to give yourself a nice break - or a reward - whenever you complete a goal in your list. And, if you’re trying to find ways to do things that you love (instead of just completely doing nothing - or something similar), you might want to incorporate that in your goal-setting plan.

As you can see, I’m planning on rewarding myself with some Art/Creativity Time if I meet most/all of my goals of the week. I wanted to work that reward in because I haven’t created much in the last 3 or 4 months - and I’m really feeling it. So, yes… this is one of the ways that I manage to squeeze in some time to do some stuff that I enjoy.

What about you? Do you tend to set goals for yourself? How do you get things done? How do you reward yourself when you accomplish your goals?

Happy first of February! To start off the month, I want to share with you this manifesto I found from lululemon…

Definitely filled with plenty of personal reminders for me.

You can also read the text version here.

“Your greatest resource is your time.” ~ Brian Tracy

One of the most common questions I get is: “How do you manage your time?”

Basically, asking how I am able to balance family life, career, pursuing my creative interests, etc, etc. I regularly share my thoughts on this matter. But, one of these days, I will probably create a time management series.

However, since I don’t really consider myself an expert, I’d like to work in what other people do too. So… How do YOU manage your time? What are the best time management tips that you know of? Do you have anything specific that you wish to learn about managing time?

Some more favourite time-related quotes:

“It’s how we spend our time here and now, that really matters. If you are fed up with the way you have come to interact with time, change it.” ~ Marcia Wieder

“Today, be aware of how you are spending your 1,440 beautiful moments, and spend them wisely.” ~ Unknown Author

“Until you value yourself, you will not value your time. Until you value your time, you will not do anything with it.” ~ M. Scott Peck

“If you want to make good use of your time, you’ve got to know what’s most important and then give it all you’ve got.” ~ Lee Iacocca

“Time is like money, the less we have of it to spare the further we make it go.” ~ Josh Billings

“Once you have mastered time, you will understand how true it is that most people overestimate what they can accomplish in a year - and underestimate what they can achieve in a decade!” ~ Anthony Robbins

“You don’t have to get it right, you just have to get it going.” - Mike Litman

Have you ever wanted to do something so so soooo badly, and yet you never got it done? Ever?

And, most of the time, there’s just that fear of “not getting it right…”

You know — making a mess of that canvas… Ruining the scrapbooking materials… Wasting precious money on a class or a programme… Feeling foolish or silly…

The blog entries don’t seem quite as clever… The songs don’t sound quite as good…

Or… That the gym won’t be done right… The project don’t turn out as well as hoped…

Not being able to translate the vision, the imagined, the dream - in to reality…

So, instead of doing something - anything - you get paralysed. You push the idea - the wish, the dream - far far away.

You’d rather not start if you know that it won’t be quite right. That it won’t be any “good”.

You criticise and condemn whatever it was - without even giving it a chance.

Forgetting that really, it doesn’t matter whether it was “good” or “great” or not even quite right. Who said that it’s all about results? Who decided that something is only worth doing if it’s done right?

Isn’t it more important to give it a go? Especially if it matters that much?

If you want to do something that badly, the least you can do is to get it going… regardless of whether it’s “good” or “right” or…

“Every time you appreciate something…
every time you praise something…
every time you feel good about something,
you are telling the Universe: MORE OF THIS, PLEASE!”
~ Abraham-Hicks

Isn’t it amazing that the key to finding MORE of a good thing is: Simply to see and to acknowledge all the good things that are already there in front of us?

The more we appreciate, the more we praise, the more we feel good… the more we will find things to appreciate, praise and feel good about.

Hmmm… Doesn’t it make you wonder why we don’t appreciate, praise and feel good more often?

1. Be one with what makes you happy. You’ll end up getting rid of those things that don’t.

“Life does not require you to sacrifice or compromise your joy to get what you want. Joy is what you want, so when you choose in harmony with it, you are fulfilling your purpose in living.” - Alan Cohen

2. Know that you can possibly change the lives of every single person that you encounter. You are more significant than you think!

“If only you could sense how important you are to the lives of those you meet; how important you can be to people you may never even dream of. There is something of yourself that you leave at every meeting with another person.” - Fred Rogers

3. Quit looking over your shoulder. Smile at your own reflection. Just remember that people who only feel good because others aren’t doing as well as they are - are some of the most unhappiest people on earth.

“Comparison and competition are meaningless to an awakened soul. The only goal of importance is your connection to your inner spirit and your willingness to live from it.” - Alan Cohen

4. Give yourself permission to relax - and enjoy your life. It’s okay to have fun. It’s okay not to be too busy.

“If you were to take one week and calculate your percentage for time spent relaxing; what would your ratio be? Would you say you had a balanced life?” - Catherine Pulsifer

5. Surround yourself with people who make you bloom and glow. And yes, you’re welcome to keep your distance with everyone else if you wish. After all, real life isn’t a social networking website. It’s not about how many people who ‘Friend’ or ‘Follow’ you. It’s about how many people who really CARE.

“Let us be grateful to the people who make us happy, they are the charming gardeners who make our souls blossom.” - Marcel Proust

One of my favourite Facebook apps is the My Questions application. I love that I can post a short question and encourage my network to answer whatever it is that I just asked. It’s interesting to read the different perspectives from various people.

My last question, “Have you ever been inspired? If yes, how?” came up with some really interesting feedback. I really enjoyed finding out what inspires people. Here are just some of my favourite responses -

“I have been endlessly inspired by books, people, places, moods, movies, a stray comment, a walk on the beach, a painting, a child’s smile, a conversation, a word, rain on my window, sand beneath my toes, tastes, scents, sounds, and it goes on & on…” - Heather Goldsmith

“Family… Books… songs… even the rustling of leaves and the chirping of birds… whatever makes me feel i’m alive.” - Junnie Arreza

“By reading and listening to motivational material. It is something I try to do once a week, but really should do something once a day.” - Lee Hopkins

“From the simplest shortest word i read to something as grand as a Philippine sunset.” - Arnold Manuel

“My husband inspires me with his encouraging words and happy outlook. My parents inspire me to work harder. Nature, people-watching and relaxing inspire my writing.” - Toni Tiu

“I am inspired by watching people at the top of their game whether it be in sport, business or other pursuit. I also am inspired by leaders who keep calm under pressure. and last by my children.” - Andrew Kaplan

“My wife inspires me constantly.” - Trench Reynolds

“Good writing inspires me to improve my own writing.” - Debbie Ohi

“I worked with someone until just about a month ago. He is almost the same age as me but he is in a wheelchair. I thought he was born that way but I learned that it was an accident. Since then, I feel inspired to walk as much as possible.” - Jeanne Dupuis

And, even though the responses are varied, they seem to fall under a handful of common themes. Based on the responses, these are our 3 Main Sources of Inspiration:

1) LOVED ONES - Partners, children, parents, family… Our relationships seem to be one of the main sources of inspiration.

2) NATURE - Whatever it is that connects us with the world around us, also tend to inspire us.

3) SUCCESS / EXCELLENCE - When other people accomplish something great - be it overcoming a personal obstacle or creating a work of art - we tend to feel inspired to do more, better.

What about you? Have you been inspired lately? How?

Technorati Tags: facebook, feedback, ideas, inspiration boards, questions

“When a deep injury is done us, we never recover until we forgive.” ~ Alan Paton

I thought I knew what forgiveness meant. I thought I had nothing - and no one else - to forgive. I thought I completely made my peace. That’s why when the topic of ‘Forgiveness’ came up in The Creativity Book by Eric Maisel a few days ago, I immediately shrugged off the exercise.

But recently, while writing about something completely different - I ended up facing the concept of forgiveness again. I was just about to shut it off once more when suddenly, some ghosts of past hurts and demons of disappointments came out of invisible hiding places.

NO, obviously, I wasn’t done. Not quite.

When the hurts and disappointments cut too deeply - and the pains have been lingering for far too long - forgiveness and letting go become a lifelong process.

So, from hereon, I hope to be able to face forgiveness without flinching.

I need to learn to:
- Acknowledge the things that I need forgiveness for.
- Give forgiveness without limits.
- Forgive myself.

Over and over and over. Until I know that I’m completely free.

“We achieve inner health only through forgiveness - the forgiveness not only of others but also of ourselves” ~ Joshua Loth Liebman

Forgiveness Resources:

• Forgiveness Self-Test - A short questionnaire. Somewhat vague, but can still be useful to some.
• Forgiveness as a Key to the Future- Some thoughts and tips on forgiveness.
• The Top 10 Steps to Forgiveness - Some useful ideas on the path to forgiveness.
• Rituals for Forgiveness - Some resources on Oprah regarding forgiving yourself.

“When you hold resentment toward another, you are bound to that person or condition by an emotional link that is stronger than steel. Forgiveness is the only way to dissolve that link and get free.” ~ Catherine Ponder

“Sincere forgiveness isn’t colored with expectations that the other person apologize or change. Don’t worry whether or not they finally understand you. Love them and release them. Life feeds back truth to people in its own way and time.” ~ Sara Paddison

Forgiveness Ideas:
1) List the people that you have hurt. Write a note to every single one saying, “I’m sorry for…” No need to send the notes. Just be sincere with the apology.
2) List every single person who hurt and/or disappointed you. List why they cause you pain. Be specific, if you can. Forgive every single person and pain.
3) Every day, find ways to forgive yourself. For not doing the things you feel you needed to do. For saying things you feel you shouldn’t have said. Say, “(Your Name), I forgive you for… Let it go.”
4) Collect quotes on forgiveness.
5) Collect pictures and images that depict forgiveness for you.
6) Write the word “Forgive”. Over and over. Fill the page. See what happens. Do the same with the word “Sorry”.
7) Write a letter of forgiveness to yourself. Include the words… “It’s OK…”

“The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong.” ~ Mohandas Gandhi

One of the things that I often get asked is: “How do you find the time to do everything that you need to do - and still get to do things that you love to do?”

Quick answer: Shorten the gap between the ‘need to do’ things and the ‘love to do’ things!

In more concrete terms, here are some ideas:

1) Identify what you really, really love to do. Make a list. It doesn’t matter if your list looks too long or too short. Don’t deny what your heart desires. It really amazes me how many people can’t name the things that they want to do - if money, time, or effort were no object. I have met folks who dream of winning the lottery or getting to retirement. But, when I ask them what they’d do if they end up with all the time and money in the world that they’d ever need, they can’t seem to say what they’d be doing. So, I think it’s really key to name those things that you’ve always wished and dreamt of doing.

If nothing comes to mind right now, go further back. Explore your childhood. Play the “When I grow up, I want to be…” Game. It’s incredible what to discover your true hopes and dreams, when viewed through your younger self.

Just the other day, I was reading my old journal from about a decade ago. And, it just reminded what really matters to me. You see, some of the things that I’ve wanted to do back then no longer seem to matter much to me right now. Some dreams are so persistent, that I still long for them. And, I know that the latter type of hopes and dreams are ones that I should pay close attention to - and do something about.

2) Commit some time to doing something you love. Everyday. I know, I know… This seems to be the biggest hindrance for most people. If I got a dollar for every “If I had more time, I will…” sentiment I’ve read/heard… then I’d be a very rich woman. Truth is, we all could use more time. Goodness knows how much I try to squeeze out of every second! But, one thing I’ve learned over the years is: If I don’t make the time to do something I love, I go mad. Seriously.

My husband knows this only too well. He knows that if I haven’t painted/created/written (or done anything that’s good for my soul), I start getting all weird and cranky. I become increasingly uneasy - and more difficult to live with. Even my work begins to suffer.

So, yeah, I do believe that making time for the things that you love to do is as important as eating, sleeping, breathing… Whether you notice it or not, it affects your total well being.

That’s why I always encourage people to try and find that time. No matter how brief. 10 or 15 minutes a day may not seem much, but it’s amazing what you can do if you make that conscious choice.

3) Make your tools accessible! Spread it all out. It really is difficult if you feel you need to have your own space for creating or doing the things you love. Often, this is just not possible. Also, there is that massive psychological barrier if you have to make that choice to sit down somewhere and “be creative” or something. I find that it’s best just to leave a lot of stuff lying around the house (or your office). Not necessarily in a messy manner. Just keep a lot of your favourite tools available everywhere.

Leave a small container or box of ‘goodies’ (filled with stuff you like to use such as books, pens, notebooks, crayons, cameras, markers, knitting needles, yarn, etc) in various places. Have one in the car, on your bedside table, in the bathroom, in your purse, next to the telephone, on your dresser, in the lounge…

If a container or box is a bit much, just choose one or two things: a pen and notebook, a pencil and sketchbook, a favourite book or magazine…

Making things more accessible (as opposed to having take things out of their hiding places every time you need them) will just help in encouraging you to use them.

4) Work with a specific project in mind. One of the most difficult barriers to overcome when it comes to doing the things we love is the barrier of ambiguity. Often, we can say, “I’d love to paint.” or “I’d love to start scrapbooking / jewelry making / (insert your interest of choice).” But, even when you find yourself with the time, the passion, and the materials - you might feel blocked, not knowing what exactly you need to do next.

In fact, this is something that I often encounter. Even in blogging, I still find myself sitting in front of my computer, wanting to blog - but instead, I end up all agitated and just surfing aimlessly, when I do not know exactly what I want to blog about.

The cure? Have a few project ideas ready! If you don’t have a list yet, start one. If you don’t want to work with lists, have some ‘booster plans’. Booster plans involve basic steps to take just to get you going - like warm-up exercises.

For example, if you’re longing to write, have some writing prompts ready. Go through them and work on the first prompt that catches your fancy. If you wish to cook, have some recipes to look at. Read through them and find inspiration - or just choose one at random and play. If you wish to paint or to sew or to do mosaics - get some idea books and peruse them every chance you get. Keep thinking of the ones that tickle your imagination the most and try it out.

Work with your project bit by bit. Don’t allow yourself to be overwhelmed. Even if you’re trying to make a mural of a beach scene - just do what you can given your time and energy constraints. If all you can paint in the day is a grain of sand - then celebrate that you’re one grain closer than you were yesterday.

5) Allow yourself to experiment! Never mind mistakes. Don’t worry about waste. You’ll do better. Every time. And, even if you don’t, it doesn’t matter. The important thing is: You’re doing something you love! Have fun.

By allowing yourself to do the things you love to do, you affirm yourself. You tell yourself that what you love to do is important. That you are important. And your life matters.

And, really, your boss, colleagues, friends, family and other loved ones will probably be grateful for it too. Especially if they end up with happier, healthier, more productive you.

Image source: yasin öztürk

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