Hate is such a horrid word. It’s the sort of word that I do not like to have in my life on a daily basis
In fact, when my 4-year-old decided to use the word a lot – from “I hate brushing my teethâ€? to “I hate bad peopleâ€? – I had to tell him that it’s not a good idea to use the word ‘hate’ all the time.
And of course, in true pre-schooler fashion, he had to ask: “Why?�
I said something about the word hate not doing a good thing in our hearts: “It’s like having black spots in our heart every time we hate something,â€? I said.
Well, that picture must’ve worked wonders, as he barely uses the word ‘hate’ nowadays. And, when he hears it being uttered by anyone, he says, “No! Don’t use hate or you’ll have a black spot in your heart.â€? (Yes, it has been used against me a few times already.)
One of these days, though, I will have to let him know that while hate is not a good word to use all the time, sometimes, there’s no other word to describe how you REALLY feel. And that’s okay.
It’s okay to know that you hate something, as long as you know exactly where that hate is directed. And, how to deal with it.
It’s okay to feel hate, as long as you’re not hateful.
There’s a difference, you see…
And, like any negative emotion, if you get a handle on it (and not the other way around) — it can always be used and recycled in to something positive.
After all, hate can guide you to make the right decisions about whether or not something’s good for you. Hate can help you stay away from certain things (or certain people!). Hate can keep you from doing the very things that your heart tells you not to do.
Like hypocrisy. Or being evil. Or doing a bad job. Or being a terrible friend. Or being untrustworthy. Or selfish. Or greedy.
These are things that seem hate-worthy, don’t you think?
Well, now, let me go hate a few things without worrying about having a spotted, hole-y heart.
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toni 08.13.08 at 12:39 am
This is so inspirational, Shai. And I loved how you defined Hate to your son. It was very visual indeed, and now I won’t be able to get it out of my mind too.
I try not to use the word “hate” as much as I can, opting instead for “dislike.” Sometimes it can’t be helped though! But it does make me feel a little evil, those black dots weighing me down more than expected.
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Shai Coggins reply on August 13th, 2008:
Thanks again, Toni. Words have a strange way of affecting us, whether we mean them to or not, isn’t it? I guess that’s why I don’t want my son to make ‘hate’ as a mainstay in my son’s vocabulary.
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Hope Wilbanks 08.13.08 at 1:04 am
Shai, I absolutely adore this post, and agree 100% with you. I love the graphical representation, too. Really makes it hit home.
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Shai Coggins reply on August 13th, 2008:
Thank you very much again, Hope. Good to know that the visual really DOES work.
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bwheather 08.13.08 at 11:51 pm
Lol, aren’t kids just great at making you think of things we accept in a new way? I loved your description and had to laugh at your little boys response to it. Great entry.
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nachi 06.15.10 at 9:17 pm
Another prespective of hate, … it’s really good post
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