I love being a mum. But, one of the things that I miss ever since I had kids is going out on dates. It has been years since my husband and I went out on our own. We haven’t been to a movie together since Finding Nemo.
This is partly because we live on our own here in Australia. We have to raise our kids without on-call grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins. We don’t have any families who can work as free babysitters. And, we find it tough to leave the kids with someone we don’t really know well.
Late last year, however, my husband and I decided that we should add a bit more fun in to our relationship. We knew that we can’t possibly carry on with doing just work, completing chores, pursuing personal goals, and pouring our lives to our kids.
We need to invest in us.
So, we said that we’ll try to go out on our own at least once a month in 2008.
Well, we didn’t get that happening in January. But yesterday, we went to a simple dinner + comedy show date as a special treat. Got a babysitter, whom the kids absolutely adore (she works at the childcare too, so they already know her). And, it was good. Felt strange. But, good.
Hopefully, it won’t take a few more years for the next date to happen.
What about you? What’s dating like for you? As a single, is it all hip and happening?
Or, if you already have a partner, do you still go out on dates? When and how often?
What’s your most ideal date? Any other dating suggestions and ideas that you might have?
{ 12 comments… read them below or add one }
toni 02.26.08 at 10:13 pm
My husband and I go out a lot, just the two of us. Whether it’s a simple lunch at the local carinderia or a fancy dinner at a swank restaurant, we always walk hand-in-hand. A day trip to the mall to buy supplies or groceries, or a night at the movies, we consider them dates. So, yes, we do practically go out on dates almost everyday.
Perhaps not having children (yet) makes making time for these dates easier. Insane work schedules can creep up on us though, so we try to make sure that there is always time well-spent with each other - just the two of us, no third party called work talk!
An ideal date with my husband would be an out-of-town trip. We’re both such homebodies that we haven’t gotten out of the city in ages. We’ve been planning that weekend date for ages but haven’t gotten around to making it work out yet. This is a challenge!
During our dates together, we always make time for fun. We go to arcades and compete against each other, but we like the games where we play on the same team (e.g. Time Crisis).
For as long as neither of us feels like time together is a chore, we’ll always be on a date.
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Shai Coggins reply on March 3rd, 2008:
Toni: Ah, yes. Figures you two will be enjoying plenty of dates!
I do wish that you both will continue to do so - even when/if the li’l ones come and take part in your happy, loving home.
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Denise 02.26.08 at 11:31 pm
We are in the same sort of situation you are.. no family nearby.. so once you have a reliable babysitter hang on to him or her!! And stick to that once a month committment!! Or do I have to come down there and baby sit for you?
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Shai Coggins reply on March 3rd, 2008:
Denise: I wish we can swap babysitting duties! Wouldn’t that be lovely?
I hope you and your sweet hubs can have more dates too. 
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ApplesH 02.27.08 at 12:23 am
I think that is one of the blessings that we in Manila have. I know how expensive it is to hire nannies abroad and of course hard to get family to sit with your kids as you may not have any nearby. My parents are very accommodating when taking care of the kids. They actually would like it better if they stayed the whole weekend.
That makes it easier for me and my husband to go out and have some time alone. Plus we have yaya’s at home that can take care of the kids too. 
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Shai Coggins reply on March 3rd, 2008:
ApplesH: Yes - it is indeed a blessing to have family around to have some ‘alone time’ with the husband. Glad you’re making use of it! And yes, thanks for saying hello here. Hope this won’t be the last.
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Jen 02.27.08 at 2:26 am
We are incredibly lucky, my boy and me. We dont have kids yet, and we love to spend such a lot of time together. We always pop out to places and manage to get a little J and J time
I think (looking at my friends) we are extremely unusual to have that. I feel unbelievably blessed to have the time and that my boy actually WANTS to spend time with me….I hear horror stories from my friends alot about being lonely in a relationship 
I think that if you can manage to grab some time just the two of you, even if you dont have much to say or much time, its so nice just to hang out and its the best way to make sure things stay on track.
****
My ideal date would be going back to the little country pub where we had our first “date”. just for a drink and kick back in the summer with a live jazz band and a boy who makes me laugh for hours. perfect!
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Shai Coggins reply on March 3rd, 2008:
Jen: Being ‘lonely in a relationship’ does sound sad.
Anyway, yes, sounds like you and your boy are definitely on the right track. Such a blessing indeed! Your perfect date sounds beautiful too. 
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Kari 02.27.08 at 2:28 am
I’ve always been a fan of picnics. I think there’s something romantic about sitting on a blanket with a basket of grapes, cheese, wine, etc. Very simple, but also a great date.
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Shai Coggins reply on March 3rd, 2008:
Kari: Picnics, especially in the summer, does sound incredibly fun and romantic. Relaxed - and plenty of time just to connect.
Hope you get lots of picnics in your life!
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mEldita 02.27.08 at 7:43 am
Hi (ate) shai, mel here (shaui’s buddy since grade school, *LOL*). Anyway, I’ve been thinking about this topic since late last month but I never got to post this in my blog. I miss going out on dates with hubby but I feel guilty leaving Vera with her yayas and grandma. And when we do get the chance to go out on our own, my thoughts are always with Vera. Didn’t you feel that way too? Anyway, what we try do now is to watch a movie together or dine out (as fast as we coud, *LOL*) once in a while. And yeah, we are doing great now. Working on the relationship, *wink!*
~mEldita~
my untamed world
my uncensored life
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Shai Coggins reply on March 3rd, 2008:
Mel: Of course I know who you are! I’ve known you since you were a li’l girl.
First of all, I’m glad you’re working through your marriage. And that things are going great. Good on both of you! I’m sure Vera will appreciate the time and effort that you put in to your relationship. And yes, it *is* tough to leave the kids behind. My thoughts always seem to drift them. But, it helps to think that having a good relationship with your partner is also a wonderful gift to your kids. 
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Jasmin 02.27.08 at 8:44 am
I think as parents we owe it to our kids to have a healthy, enjoyable relationship. It’s so easy to justify making a purchase for the kids, instead of investing in our relationship.
We had a great night out recently. We also try to catch up for coffee now and the on the way into work (I work part time with 3 young kids).
Quality is important too. I would rather go all out had pay for a babysitter, a really GOOD restaurant in the city every couple of months (instead of one cheap dinner every month) so we can enjoy life together
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Shai Coggins reply on March 3rd, 2008:
Jasmin: I absolutely agree with you! I do agree that being parents, it’s easy to forget that our relationship with our partner is just as important to our kids as it is to us. I’ve read somewhere that one of the best things that children see in their parents is the love that they share with each other. It makes such a positive impact! Anyway, glad you’re working through regular, *quality* dates. It’s not always easy, but it’s true that it’s worth the investment.
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Janette Toral 02.27.08 at 10:11 am
That is the same challenge I’m encountering whenever in Australia. The times where we were able to go out was for attending hubby’s work-related casual dinner with bosses and wives. Now you got me thinking. =)
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Shai Coggins reply on March 3rd, 2008:
Janet: It’s definitely a challenge, being on your own in a new country. But, hopefully, you and your hubby will find a way to enjoy some ‘alone’ time. So that you both can enjoy the joys of being in a new place too.
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Heather 02.27.08 at 10:02 pm
Hi Shai,
Can so relate to what you’re saying. Was really difficult for us with the younger two kids, but we did manage to go on dates or have time away together here and there. Just a couple of weekends ago we had a night away, which was lovely. I had to use my so called built in babysitter, but have to book her ages in advance, as my 19 year old daughter has such a busy social life.
Loved reading some of the other responses, too.
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Shai Coggins reply on March 3rd, 2008:
Heather: LOL about having a very busy built-in babysitter!
At least, hopefully, she’s free! 
Anyway, great to hear that you managed some alone time with your hubby. Sounds like it was a fabulous date! And wow, 19 already! I can still remember reading your daughter’s poetry when she was still a kid. Where did time go?!
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Jen Hill 03.02.08 at 5:18 am
My DH and I try to get out at least once a week. And yes, it is not always possible, but it is very important to keep connected by making time for yourselves.
It is very hard when your kids are very young. I enjoy going out to dinner the most, movies or performance next, but sometimes it is simply a walk or a trip to the local Home Depot.
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Shai Coggins reply on March 3rd, 2008:
Jen: Once a week! Wow. That’s definitely a great luxury/blessing to have.
While I enjoy the idea of ‘grand’ dates, it’s those simple dates that I miss a lot too.
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Kristyn 03.03.08 at 9:22 am
We have no kids yet, only two dogs so it’s quite easy to up and go. We go out each month but depends on what we feel like doing. We don’t really plan it unless it’s a show, a concert etc. You’re entry made me have second thoughts about having kids though. But I admire your decision to impose date nights, I think it’s a great idea
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Shai Coggins reply on March 3rd, 2008:
Kristyn: Kids are wonderful! No matter what the trade-off (yes, including nasty pregnancies, difficult deliveries, post-baby body, lack of dates, etc)… I have never regretted having kids. Not even for a second! They’re my pride and joy. I don’t think I will ever be half as happy as I am now without them.
But yes, the marriage ends up taking a bit more work. Like everything else (chores never end! ;-)). And, yes, I do believe that the kids have also enriched my marriage in many ways. So yeah… 
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Jen Hill 03.04.08 at 2:29 am
We have always lived far away from family and rely on trusted friends with small children to exchange for babysitting.
It is a nice option if you can find the right people for this, and a lot less expensive than hiring a sitter.
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