< Or, How to Make Life Choices >
To move to a new house or not to move? To pursue an existing career path – or to explore a career change? To apply to a certain job or not? To change son’s school or not to change? To leave a job or to wait for a miracle to happen? To accept an opportunity or to find another one? To fight or to move on? To study again – and if yes, which stream? To give an idea a go or to keep things at bay?
These are some of the questions and decisions that I’ve been facing over the last month or so. In some situations, the decisions were made for me. In others, I had to agonise over the choices.
Decision-making is never easy. Especially if the choices have life-altering consequences. Choosing what to eat for dinner may be a challenge on some evenings. But, it certainly can’t compare to say choosing where to send your child to school – or how to go about a career change.
Since I had to face a few significant decisions lately, I had to use more than just my whim to make my choices. Here are some of the things that I’ve been doing and using to weigh my options:
1. Talk, talk, talk. My initial instinct when it comes to decision-making is to internalise. Just think things through. This time, however, I made a conscious effort to reach out to people. To seek advise and to ask for guidance. And, I found that at this stage of my life, being able to talk through my thought processes had been really helpful for me.
2. Use various decision-making tools and strategies. One decision making tool that I’ve recently tried is MindTools’ Decision Making Tools and Techniques resource. It employs strategies like Starbursting, PMI, Grid Analysis, and Stepladder Technique among other things. Even when I thought I’d know the answer before I started the process, I often end up surprised when I use the tools.
3. Journal writing. As I said earlier, I tend to internalise. I like thinking through things by writing them down. As in, using good old fashioned pen and notebook. And, as always, I find that my journal is a really great tool to have during decision-making. Not only does it help me to clarify my thoughts, it also helps me to record my process.
4. Taking surveys and tests. Other than the Q&As and surveys I responded to using books like What Next?, I also revisited some favourite tools like the Keirsey Temperament Sorter. Understanding oneself better, I believe, helps a lot when it comes to making decisions.
5. Read and research. To make informed choices, it’s good to make use of the wisdom and experience of different people. So, I’ve been reading a lot… doing a lot of research on various aspects of things that I’m interested in. For example, when making a choice about studying again, I looked at various options that I have. I read books on the subject, researched various universities and schools, looked at classified ads for various careers, and created Google alerts on topics of interest. It seems like a lot, but I found it all quite useful.
6. Coaching service. I found that getting some external input when it comes to understanding certain aspects of my decision making and goal setting really helped a lot. So, I carefully considered hiring a counsellor or a coach this time around. After some consideration, I decided to sign up for a coaching programme and it really helped me to get on track about a few things at the moment.
7. Prayer. Admittedly, praying has become something that doesn’t come as naturally as I’d like it to. But, I’m grateful that I’m now remembering why it is something that I want to happen in my life more and more again.
8. Gut instinct. Even through all the logical, rational ways that I use to make decisions, I find that learning to listen to my own gut more is still a very valid way to find the right path. When something’s amiss, your gut will tell you. When something’s absolutely right, your instincts will let you know too.
What about you? How do you go about making decisions in your life? How do you weigh options and make choices? Do you have any favourite decision-making tools and techniques?
Image source: svilen mushkatov (via sxc.hu)
{ 8 comments… read them below or add one }
Peace Mitchell 02.19.09 at 8:47 pm
An excellent post Shai, lots of interesting tools I never would’ve thought to use in helping to make the many, many decisions that life presents us!
Thank you,
Peace
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Melissa W 02.19.09 at 8:50 pm
I talk to my husband. Seriously, he is the best sounding board I have ever had. He knows me better than anyone else – my moods, my flights of fancy and my passions. And when it is a decision we have to make together (for both of us) we simply talk things out and write things down until we come to a conclusion. And so far we’ve not made a bad decision (although sometimes it feels like one to start with.)
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Kari 02.19.09 at 11:20 pm
I internalize a great deal as well so while I don’t talk about things as much as I could, I definitely do my homework much in the way you are. I’m a huge fan of learning more about myself in order to make better educated decisions. Quizzes, reading, and journaling are probably my most used methods of decision making. I have to follow my instincts because as crazy as it sounds, they are the only thing I can trust 100%. If I don’t feel good about something now, I’m not going to feel good about it once the ball starts rolling. Some things I just know right off the bat aren’t a good fit for me.
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Nicola 02.20.09 at 3:39 am
I hate decision making!! I avoid it whenever possible, and prefer if options close themselves off to me so I’m left with one. I wouldn’t say I rely on fate, but I figure whatever’s left worked out because that’s the right thing for me at that time. I would say when I do have to face an important decision, I rely most on my gut instinct, it’s rarely wrong, and I think I’ve fine tuned it over the years, particularly for smaller, faster decisions, I don’t react as fast as I used to, I take the time to think before I leap now. For bigger stuff, I’ve never really used tools, as in writing things down etc. but I’m an advisor, I develop options, outline the pro’s and con’s and do cost benefit analysis as a job, so I develop pro’s and con’s, in my head usually, and then balance it out. In any option there’s good and bad points, and so I just have to work out what I’m prepared to forgo for the benefits of another option. I very rarely talk to other people though, I think because I read so much and explore the options so fully that I know them inside out and there’s not much more people can add to it. Sometimes it’s useful to have those conversations though, even if you know what you want, just hearing it out loud and having confirmation in response can be a good cross check. Another ‘tool’ to avoid decisions in the first place is that I usually know what I want well in advance, and so I seek to achieve these goals and am always looking for or creating opportunities to make the significant steps towards the end point. All the best with your decision making, I know you were thrown into it this time, but it’s been interesting to catch snippets of the wide variety of options opening up to you. We’ll look forward to seeing where you head next!
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Heather 02.20.09 at 3:16 pm
Wow, loads of cool tools. I also tend to spend a lot of time talking with hubby. We go over things together. He doesn’t mind as that’s the way he is, so I am always listening to him. Thinking is also a good one, using my journal, going for walks and allowing myself time. Not that we can always have that luxury when it comes to making decisions. I’m sure you will make the right choices when it comes down to it. Anyway, it’s ok to make mistakes. We learn from them, even if we don’t like making the mistake.
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stanley 02.21.09 at 12:33 am
Hi, thanks for putting the very detail thought into writing.
In kind of a mind-reading training session, and then another opportunities to expose to the modified version of Maslow’s hierarchy of needs, i would like to suggest to use a voice recorder to listen to the bubbles (the self-revealing converstation ) and associate it into self-actualization, esteem, love/belonging,safety,physiological hierarchy which is defined in Maslow’s theory. By doing so maybe you are looking for something of self-actuallization and esteem. You can do this to you kids to know if they prefer to stay at current school (love, safety, physiological), and maybe you can work out with your husband and do the analysis and come to agreement to work towards a common goal and many other things including becoming a good listener to your friend (i am sure you are one of the best here).
This way you will also understand your instinct is leading towards which zone and workout a honest and realistic plan.
i totally agreed with you prayer is essential and should be a daily communication with God. In fact, to “scan” the mind should reach the spiritual realm but not always encourage if you’re not strong in faith.
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Kay 02.23.09 at 2:12 pm
I tend to make decisions quickly and easily- it’s the DOING that gets me stuck! I find I do things mostly on my internal slate and rarely ask for help. I certainly don’t use tools- I find that it just slows me down! Lately when I’ve asked friends for different points of view, they have taken an entirely tangential tack to me, thinking I am wanting to go in a totally different direction to the one I am considering! Like I asked advice about starting an online group to benefit a lot of people and my best friend thought I was proposing to set up a group only to help everyone in the group- she wondered why I would ever want to do something that didn’t mean I’d make money! So even my best friends have little idea of what drives me in life, to the extent they can’t help me with a lot of decisions! SO I make my decisions quickly, they’re probably gut instinct, and they rarely seem wrong after the fact.
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Junnie 02.27.09 at 7:44 am
when everything fails no. 7 is the only recourse….make it your no. 1
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