Celebrating Friendships

Friendship is a very strong theme for me lately. Of course, I’ve always valued friends. But, for one reason or another, I have been thinking about the whole thing a lot lately. Partly because I’ve been meeting a lot of new people through my graduate studies — and partly because I’ve been reconnecting with some old friends. And yes, there are a few other matters on friendships that have come to my attention recently.

So, I’ve been pondering about what makes people click as friends… what makes friendships last… how do friendships work… can men and women be really “just friends”… how do you develop friendships… what makes a friend a real friend… Well, you get the picture.

Over the long weekend, I’ve had the privilege of celebrating friendship in three different forms — through a long, ongoing friendship (with my good friend Bern), through a newly introduced friendship (Hi, Cleng!), and through a long-distance friendship that’s now finally cemented with a face-to-face meeting (Yay, Christine!).

Christine and I met through blogging over five years ago. I saw her name in the blogroll of our mutual blogging buddy (Melissa), and decided to pay her blog a visit. Then, after reading Christine’s blog entries, I decided to email her to say hello. It was a life-changing email.

You see, Christine has a number of special gifts. One of them is being a “connector”. Connectors are people who don’t only know a lot of people — they love introducing who they know to each other, one way or another. They take joy in the whole process of making a difference by connecting people. That’s why if you have a connector in your life, you will definitely find yourself blessed with all sorts of things. If you don’t have a connector just yet, go find one – you’ll see how great it is to have one (or more) in your life. And, if you’re a connector yourself — good on ‘ya. You’re a rare breed who can bring a lot of interesting things in to the lives of people you come across.

Anyway, within weeks of our first email, Christine ended up introducing me to Bern, her long-time friend who happens to have just migrated to Adelaide at the time. Bern and I became good friends. In fact, we did our online video show together for a while. And, she is now my daughter’s godmother.

Christine and I have been hoping to meet each other for years. So finally, when she found another one of her long-time friends who moved here in Adelaide a few years ago (Cleng), she knew that she just had to come and catch up with the three of us. And so she did. Booked a flight from New Zealand to visit us here in Oz over the long weekend.

So, for 3 days, we talked, giggled, teased, ate, talked some more, shopped, laughed, joked, went sightseeing, took loads of photos, gossiped, ranted, raved, drove our partners a bit insane, and yes… talked even more.

It was bliss. Crazy, girly bliss that can only be shared between friends.

And, I realised one thing: I miss that kind of fun.

Being entrenched with day-to-day living, work, projects and studies, I really don’t get to spend a lot of time hanging out with friends. As in, just hanging out and being silly. Talking about everything and nothing at the same time.

I know it’s never going to be easy to do this sort of thing on a regular basis. So, I can only just be grateful when I do get the chance to have fun and celebrate life and friendship with wonderful people – both long-lasting friends and new.

So yes, friends, thanks again for a gorgeous, memorable weekend. I’m already looking forward to the next get-together.

Cleng, Bern, Christine, Me – Dinner at home

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Comments

Berns says:

11 June 2009 at 12:27 am

Love what you said Shai. Does that mean you’ll go out more often

Shai Coggins reply on June 11th, 2009:

Hi, Berns. Well, as I said,

I know it’s never going to be easy to do this sort of thing on a regular basis.

So, even if I did want to go out more often, it’s just not possible. Too many things on my plate. I had to put a lot of things on hold for this great weekend. ‘am paying for it (had been getting only 4 hours sleep the last few nights, trying to catch up!). But, it’s definitely worth it. I won’t have it any other way.

But yeah, of course, every now and then, it’s great to be able to forget work, projects, etc and just have fun.

Kari says:

11 June 2009 at 12:47 am

The photos are lovely! I really miss all my girlfriend from back home. I’ve been here two years now, but between school and other commitments I’m afraid my social life suffers.

Still I have to admit, I think some of the best friends I’ve met, well I’ve never actually met! Bloggy buddies are tough to beat, and I’ve met some of the most wonderful people over the years

Shai Coggins reply on June 11th, 2009:

Hi, Kari. Yes, like yours – my social life is generally flat. That’s why moments like this one’s really precious.

And I agree – blogging buddies are wonderful. I wish I can meet each one of my best bloggy friends. I guess that’s why it’s cool when meet-ups (such as this with Christine) happen.

In any case, I hope you get to find some really good friends in your new home too.

Rachel Cotterill says:

11 June 2009 at 5:03 am

Sounds like you had a great time
I’d never heard the ‘connector’ description before but it sums me up, I’m always linking up people who need each other. In management-speak (Belbin) I come out as a ‘resource investigator’ which is all about knowing everyone else’s strengths & skills.
Oh, and as to the age-old question of whether men & women can really be ‘just friends’ – my personal proof that I’m with the right person is that now, if I meet a guy I get on really well with, I don’t get a crush. Just my experience.

Shai Coggins reply on June 11th, 2009:

Rachel – It does sound like you’re another gifted connector. Yay, you. It’s wonderful. And yes, I find that age-old question about male-female friendships a curious thing. I guess especially when you’re in a committed relationship because you don’t just take your own feelings in to consideration, but your partner’s feelings too. So yeah…

johnmryan says:

11 June 2009 at 6:52 am

Have to say very nice pics, interesting post too

Take care
John

Shai Coggins reply on June 11th, 2009:

Thanks, John.

jen says:

11 June 2009 at 7:49 am

Sounds like a great weekend Shai. I’ve had weekends with good girlfriends and they’re excellent. Hopefully it’s not too long before you do it again.

Shai Coggins reply on June 11th, 2009:

Hi, Jen. Aren’t such weekends fun? Yes, I hope so too. And I hope you get to have one some time soon as well.

Connie says:

11 June 2009 at 9:33 am

Glad to see you have some fun time with girlfriends!

Shai Coggins reply on July 19th, 2009:

Thanks, Connie. They’re rare and precious moments.

Christine says:

11 June 2009 at 10:52 am

Hi Shai — thanks again for a wonderful, memorable long weekend with you, Berns, Cleng and families. On my way home, I had this big smile plastered on my face (despite the fact that my flu-ey symptoms got activated again methinks…that’s another email for you!) reliving the weekend we had.

I had so much fun. Wish we can do it more again but I know that’s not realistic. I’m just glad we did get the chance to meet though after all these years!

Connector — funny

See you all in Christchurch…when? 2011, right?

Shai Coggins reply on July 19th, 2009:

Hey, Christine. So wonderful to know that our little get-together really made you happy too. It was definitely nice of you to take that time to come and visit us here in Adelaide. And, I’m absolutely looking forward to visiting you in NZ someday. Hopefully, in 2011!

Kay says:

11 June 2009 at 6:48 pm

Sounds great- glad you all had such fun! I’ve never had a group of girlfriends who all got together and talked silly stuff for ages- for me its a mixed group. I guess the last time we had really silly get together was years ago when the current bloke and I would have a group of friends around for a traditional roast dinner on a Saturday night with all the trimmings. We might have spent the afternoon talking about books, music, crazy stuff and drunk lots of Cooper’s Ale. Then we’d cook and eat masses of food- usually a big beef roast with roast veg, then a Black Forest Cake, or White Ferret Cake, depending if we had choccy or not in the house! Gallons of red wine would be consumed, followed by liqueurs or port or whisky. There were stupid jokes and idiotic occurrences, even the odd interesting substance consumed. We would all be so happy and silly! Now we’re older, groups have changed composition and we celebrate with different friends most weekends- talking and eating during videos and stuff, almost as silly and just as good!

Shai Coggins reply on July 19th, 2009:

Wow, Kay. That all sounds wonderful to me. Doesn’t really matter what the combination of friendships might be, I think. Good girlfriends are wonderful. But, a mixed bag can be just as fab!

Cleng says:

11 June 2009 at 9:52 pm

Hello Shai- I really had a great time with everyone!! You and Bern are really amazing, fun and wonderful. Thanks so much to our very good friend Christine.
I cant remember the last time I had such a wonderful time with my other friends. All we did was to laugh and joke at each other and at that point even felt like a teenager again..loud and noisy.
I Cant wait for the next get together. I really wish Christine is just here in Adelaide

Shai Coggins reply on July 19th, 2009:

Hi, Cleng. Definitely wonderful to have met you. So cool that our boys get on well too, isn’t it? And yeah, if only Christine lives here too… In any case, I’m looking forward to many more get togethers with you. Take care.